Tuesday, February 24, 2009

What I wish I had known when I was in your shoes...

We have a treat in store for you today fellow hVSf readers, we have our first official guest blog post! “Red Cowboy Boots” is a fellow hVSf fan and wanted to share with us some advice she wishes she would have known when she was our age. Red Cowboy Boots is a beautiful, kick-ass, take no prisoners 40 year-old woman who has more than a few life insights to share, 20 in fact.

As shoe styles change from when you are a tween wearing sketchers to a high schooler in your first set of heels to early 20’s in your chic, knee high boots, so does your perspective and things you wish you would have known. Being two 20 something year-olds, this advice certainly hit a note with us (personally I find myself moisturizing a little more often than I used to). So listen up because with age comes wisdom indeed.

  1. You only get one set of tires for all those miles you’re gonna put on… save the killer heels for special occasions or there will come a time when the only thing you can wear are cowboy boots. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but they don’t go with a LBD like a 4” pair of cockroach killing stilettos.
  2. The skin of your décolletage is the thinnest on your body. ALWAYS wear sunscreen on your chest. Sun-damaged, saggy and wrinkly cleavage at the age of 70…sure. Beginning when you’re 35? Not so cool.
  3. If you want to put out on the first date…go for it. If he really likes you, it won’t matter. 90% of my “relationships” started with a one-night stand. Random drunken bar hook-ups with complete strangers? I can honestly say I regret at LEAST 90% of them.
  4. Cleanse & moisturize your face and neck every morning and every night.
  5. Pride – noun: a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one’s position or character; self-respect; self-esteem. If he hasn’t called you yet, it’s because he doesn’t want to. Please don’t call him.
  6. Never get drunk at work or at a work function. If your boss isn’t drinking, for any reason other than pregnancy, then neither should you (Nope, not even the office holiday party). You wanna get your drink on? Go out with your friends.
  7. Tell your parents you love them every single time you see them, whether or not “that’s not how they are.” You never know if the last time you see them will be the last time you’ll see them.
  8. You know that awesome “I’m the only one in the whole world that’s ever felt this kind of love” love? Well, everybody feels it and it never lasts forever. How could it? We’d never get any work done. That being said, make sure you’re in it for love and not just for lust. If everybody you know tells you that you’re moving too fast, you are moving too fast.
  9. Oil of Olay works as well as or better than any other moisturizer on the market and Vaseline petroleum jelly rubbed onto the thin skin around your eyes and on your eyelids at night is a magical thing. Trust me.
  10. Jealousy & insecurity is a waste of time; confidence is sexy as all hell.
  11. Women remember EVERYTHING, whether they want to or not. Men remember nothing. Don’t take it personally.
  12. If you ask somebody enough times if they’re cheating on you, they will cheat on you.
  13. Don’t assume that just because somebody works FOR you that they’re less educated, intelligent or experienced than you are. I’ve managed million dollar offices across the country, put in my 70 hour work weeks, brought home the elusive 6 figure income, I’ve even hired and fired the best of them. So how did I end up taking direction from 23-year olds? It’s a choice…life is too short to work so hard.
  14. Thin DOES taste better.
  15. A 2-litre bottle of regular Coca Cola or a half-gallon of bleach poured down your drain will clear a clog better than any liquid union worker in a bottle.
  16. Were there too many smokers at your party? Place a couple dishes of white vinegar around your crib; unless your roommate is a chronic chain-smoker, the odor should be gone within 24 hours.
  17. Chicago is a windy city but don’t you look adorable in that little skirt? WHOA!!! Wear bike shorts under your skirt/dress until you get to the office so you’re not walking around with your arms and hands pressed against your thighs for 8 blocks. That just looks silly.
  18. You really shouldn’t complain about your age/weight/salary to somebody who is older/heavier/less successful than you are.
  19. Ex-boyfriends are ex-boyfriends for a reason. NEVER look back because they NEVER change. Unless of course you marry them, then they TOTALLY change. For the worse.
  20. Guess what? You’re going to be 40 someday too.

Carry on.


Birnbaum said...

I don't understand!!! WHY does thin taste better? What does that mean? Are you referring to the cookies? Because if that's the case, yes...they do.

TKTC said...

I love it. Mostly because I'm already doing most of it so forgive the narcissism. SPF, face wash, sneakers and the art of the affair.
No, not the bleak/cruel thing that married people mess with. Sometimes I think there are relationships that you can just let yourself get swept up in- marriage material or not- and when it's not so hot anymore, try not to grasp for straws and be happy that it happened to begin with.
It also can't hurt to wind up with a guy who thinks a pair of red boots are about the sexiest thing he's ever seen:)