Friday, December 12, 2008

The wink is the equivalent to getting molested in the textosphere.

I want to pose a question, what in God's name makes a male in his twenties think that it is socially acceptable to text me with this :)? Or better yet, the wink ;)?!

Frankly, after I receive texts like this it makes me want to take a shower. I want to wash off the text creepiness faster than I can delete him out of my phone. Seriously though, I am contemplating drafting a texting rule book for chumps like this. Newsflash! -- it's LAME to text a girl with a wink, a smiley, too many exclamations, etc. I don't know who played a cruel trick on you and told you that it would make a girl giggle if she had a virtual "winkey" accost her eyes on her cell phone, but whoever it is doesn't love you or is just as dumb themselves.

I've been texting back and forth with this guy and lately the texts have involved the aforementioned smileys, and variations of them. At first, I chalked it up to nervousness. Maybe he is trying to be endearing by throwing in the creepy little smile? (This was a stretch, but I was trying to be optimistic people.) But with each creepy little teen face that came through, my butt clenched a little bit tighter and I couldn't handle it anymore that I stopped texting with him. I mean I literally had. to. stop.

Side note -- the last text he sent me included a smiley, my decision was more than justified.

Anyone who feels the need to share their emotion via text needs a friend. I don't care if you are smiling when you text me and feel an overwhelming sensation to hit the : and ) buttons, but please, just don't. You will be doing yourself a favor by heeding my advice and ceasing that finger movement. I promise you that more girls will like you, respond to your texts, hell, respond to you as a human being, if you cut out the textual symbols that should only be used by those 4 years old and younger (to be honest, even then, I still feel awkward for them).

So all you smile sending freak shows out there, trust me and stop. You can thank me when you finally develop a successful textual relationship, I can guarantee that this advice contributed to it.

No one's getting out alive,

heels

3 comments:

Carly How said...

Sometimes I think about life before the textosphere ever existed. Next time I meet a guy in a bar, I'm just going to ask for his address. Then I'm going to send him a letter that just says ";)!"

mcq said...

Is it creepy to text smiles and winks to people one would consider strictly a friend? Because, if so... then damnit, I'm creepy.

heels said...

Haha no, I think your fine McQ, it's the rando creepster that I don't know that this advice is directed to!